in_a_silver

December 16th, 2008

09:55 pm - another crazy winter

Long post. It's been a while.

Cookie weekend two weeks ago lasted as long as last year, but I did it for holiday reasons this time and in a much better mood.

Then I had this year's share of Christmas last Saturday with half of the family over and hardly any time to prepare. But it worked, everybody was happy and I love doing it. That's all.

I'll be on my way to Nepal in a week to the minute, because having two weeks off with nothing to do sounded weird some time ago. Planning and (mostly) looking forward to it will happen the minute work madness stops, which will be on Friday.

I've been standing next to myself a lot lately. I don't get sick because I can't afford time off. Ran out of painkillers for my stupid stiff neck yesterday or the day before. Today I just made it to the store before it closed to get cat food, because I ran out of that, too. I don't sleep when I should, but fall asleep on the train and almost miss my stops.

Still, it's much better than a year ago, because this time, there's a team behind and a reason for it. And I know I'll be fine after Friday.

Somehow I always find myself and the time to see the Runner. He thinks I'm so normal, which sounds quite comforting these days. I actually think he's quite normal, too. Apart from the running, that is.

He took me to a race on Sunday and during preparation kept me next to him like I simply belonged to his routine. Then he ran, smiled at the cheering, finished well and called to meet up again.

Later he stood next to me in a group of friends who spoke local dialect. I don't think he understood a word.

Guy: So you caught an Italian!
Me: Hm, not really...
Guy: Then he caught you!
Me: No... Hell, if I knew...

One day he'll probably read this and tell me we're both shy.

While my female cat declared unconditional love for him, the male is scared as usual and hides under the bed. The Runner's theory, which he offered one day and completely out of context, is to ignore cats until they stumble across their own curiosity and start building up trust. I like to think that's what he's doing. I think I am.

So rounding this up, I really, really need this break, but I'm not going to see him for almost four weeks. That's probably about how long it'll take me to figure out how to get over it.
Current Mood:

confused
Current Music: ADF - Flyover

Tags: inside, mr., theory, travel, xmas

December 2nd, 2008

11:45 pm - sometimes you gotta run before you can walk

I still work stupid crazy hours, I may skip Christmas this year, I've had half a cold for weeks and I keep winning free concert tickets.

One was for Yael Naim's show - we all remember the song. Honestly, I was more excited to have finally won something than to go listen. But she's a fantastic singer and entertainer. Performs in three languages and picks up the crowd in a second. Obligatory picture. Missed the other free concert because my head decided to burst all day. Would have been Heidi Happy. Reminds me a little of Feist and I can't get over her name.

Aaand I'm starting to really like this guy. For his story, for his sharp mind, for his shyness. He gets me to watch movies like Iron Man and I... I don't complain and even remember some quotes. One of the cats is in deepest love with him and our first argument ended with winners on both sides.

I'm going to call him the Runner, because that's what he is. As I said before, running is the last thing I want him to do. I told him that and I told him that I'm not going to. He seems to be ok with it.

Sometimes I think he needs me as little as I think I need him, but maybe that's exactly what both of us need.
Current Location: not the office for a change
Current Mood: chatty
Current Music: Freundeskreis - A.N.N.A.

Tags: concert, mr., tunes, xmas, zoo

November 19th, 2008

07:07 am - fri - wed

Friday, I went to see Asian Dub Foundation. Felt like twelve years ago, but ended up realizing I was probably the oldest in the crowd. Got passively stoned and, just for a moment, feared for my hearing.

Saturday, we celebrated dad's birthday. He was happier than ever to be the center of the world for a day, which made me happy, too.

Sunday, my brother explained the Internet to grandpa. The man is 87 years old and just recently decided to buy his first computer. He asked the right questions, so I think he actually understood how things work. Before we arrived he prepared pizza and apple pie for us. This is someone who never cooked until his wife passed away a couple years ago.

Monday, I thought I'd cook for friends, but some of them don't seem to read much, so I ended up being invited instead.

Yesterday I spent more than twelve hours staring at the screen again. Then I walked home, which took a little longer than an hour. I needed to feel some weather. Maybe I should do this more often.

Right now I have a cat occupying my right arm and trying to convince me I shouldn't leave just yet. I wish she were right.
Current Location: almost on my way again
Current Mood:

sleepy

Tags: concert, friends, la famiglia, work

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November 13th, 2008

11:36 pm - i hope

We're communicating in three different languages at the same time. Sometimes we understand, sometimes we don't. Getting to know each other is definitely different when you have to think twice if what you say will be understood and you may have to repeat it in another language a few seconds later.

Yesterday was a bad day and he turned it into a good one for me. Today was a good day and he made it even better.

This may come a bit early, but I don't intend to run this time. Hope he doesn't either. I need to find him a name.
Current Location: right here
Current Mood:

hopeful

Tags: me, mr.

November 10th, 2008

09:07 pm - new toy

First shot. We'll get used to each other.
Current Mood:

excited
Current Music: click

November 8th, 2008

02:27 pm - a little better than in the middle

My facebook runs under my real name, which makes sense because I want to have my real life people there. It was my first principle when I started it earlier this year. So no adding folks who just add for the fun of adding.

Made an exception a while ago and I’m glad I did. I'll see him for the second time tonight and there’s something very comfortable and relaxing about this.

In other news, worked 60 hours last week, had two lunch breaks and didn’t get anywhere. For some reason I thought it would get better after last Monday, but I guess it didn’t.

Yet in other news, the company did realize we’re working till we drop and is giving us two paid weeks off at the end of the year. Maybe I should buy a ticket to far away.
Current Location: on the way out
Current Mood:

calm
Current Music: Wallflowers' One Headlight on the radio

Tags: mr., work, züri

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October 28th, 2008

11:48 pm - according to dante this would be the sixth terrace

This comes somewhat delayed because I'm getting really good at deleting nearly finished posts.

Last work week was a short one because the office remained closed for the annual outing. Never happened to me so far, so I didn't really know what to expect. It ended up being a very pleasant and luxurious experience.

First they had me play golf for the first time in ten years and the third time in my life. There is a reason why there are no pictures.

After checking into one of the better hotels in the country came wine tasting in the old town. Then haute cuisine dinner, including food I wouldn't even look at otherwise. Half of us were too stuffed and beat to drink the night away in a club, so we just tested the hotel bar for a while.

Slept through spa time, but made it just in time grab a bite. It wasn't the largest breakfast buffet, but certainly the finest I've seen so far. Then antipasti and spumante lunch on a yacht. There is no reason for hardly any pictures, other than I forgot to take them.

Got back just in time to go see The Feeling. Short but great. I stood too close to take a picture of the entire band. Me being me, I'd never do this unless it happens. Number 6 and ???? alone were worth the admission fee.
Current Mood:

spoiled
Current Music: Walk This Way

Tags: concert, ticino, tunes, yay!

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October 20th, 2008

11:44 pm - saturday morning light

Sometimes it's simple moments like this one.
Current Mood:

October 14th, 2008

11:40 pm - fall

I got up awfully early on Sunday morning, but half an hour into walking up there the leaves on the ground started dancing around. So I decided to let the others go and return home to get some rest.

The sun breaking through the fog on my way back sort of made up for it.

Current Mood:

sleepy
Current Music: The Do - Travel Light

Tags: fall, mountains

October 8th, 2008

10:48 pm - see you next time

Of course you can have a picture of my neighborhood. What do I do with the point I earned?

I feel like updating, but it'd be the same all the time: alarm clock, work, work, work (it's fun most of the time), no sun, then home or out, cats, www, bed.

Instead, I send an email to V once a day. When he finally talked he also criticized me for not being enough communicative. So I thought I'd do this for a while. Now and then I get a reply that lets me think a dialog could be possible and it's probably not the most stupid thing to do.

And if... Others may think the same. Like my friend G earlier this week. We meet for dinner once in a while.

Her: See you next time. Here, because we always meet here.
Me: Last time we actually met over there. I remember because I took a picture of the rain while I was waiting for you.
Her: You take pictures of the rain while waiting for people?!
Current Location: my neighborhood
Current Mood:

challenged & amused

Tags: friends, mr., züri

September 28th, 2008

11:58 pm - goodbye (e lo so)

The past few weeks I worked a third more than I'm paid for and slept a third less than I need. So I was irritated even before I got hit with V's anger last Sunday. Last week isn't one I want to see repeated soon in my life.

It ended with a friend's goodbye party, which did me good though. Someone told this story, and there were enough nice people and caipirinhas for distraction.

It's odd, I never have a problem with goodbyes. Everything is still where it belongs when I say goodbye. It's when it's gone that I start to realize what's missing.

The rest of the weekend I stayed with myself, because that's my most efficient way of getting re-centered. It looked like this (in random order): bed, bed, newspaper, groceries, bed, kitchen, book, bathtub, bed, bed, kitchen, bed.
Current Mood:

rested and relaxed
Current Music: Jovanotti - Fango

Tags: caipi, food, friends, inside, kitchen, mr.

September 22nd, 2008

11:57 pm - schmapped, slapped and sorry

Got schmapped. They found the Montreal pic I took in April and asked if they could use it. So here it is again.

And got slapped with words last night. I guess no one really likes to be called arrogant and someone with no evidence of diplomacy.

After weeks of silence V finally broke it. I didn’t expect it to be sweet because it never is, but I wanted it sorted out. Wrote back, dimmi (tell me). And he did.

It's as I almost hoped it would be: bad communication and misunderstandings en masse. So I explained and apologized for all I could. Then I wished him well, because I still don't know if there will be another chance to do it.
Current Location: that couch
Current Mood:

if I knew
Current Music: The Cure - Want

Tags: crap, friends, mr., schmap

September 19th, 2008

08:04 am - breakfast

Saw the two girls having breakfast on my way to work recently. Probably some ad campaign, but I was late and I didn't have time to find out. I did spare the time to take a quick pic though, because

It was close to freezing as they were sitting there, with only a few degrees Celsius above 0. In September.

They placed their table between the HQ entrances of the two largest Swiss banks, at least of of them shivering as well these days.

There's no restaurant.

I always eat the same breakfast on weekdays:

1 cup of yogurt, no flavors and sugar added (unless there's none left, like today)
1 large glass of grapefruit juice, no sugar added
2 espresso shots with water to cool them

This is quick and simple, and takes me beyond lunch break (which I occasionally forget to take).

I'm late again...
Current Location: Zürich, Paradeplatz
Current Mood:

downing that coffee
Current Music: radio news

Tags: food, meteo, züri

September 17th, 2008

09:49 pm

You know, I recently had my dad on the phone and told him how unfair I think it is that some people have to endure so much pain and humiliation for such a long time before they are allowed to leave. When I go, I just want to fall asleep.

It’s not only about the ones dying, he said, it’s also about those who stay behind. It gives them time to prepare and to cope with their loss.

I hope he’s right about that.

Be strong, dear.

September 15th, 2008

09:30 pm - thun, family, camels

This is the town where I grew up. Passed by there a week ago and took a quick break to see if things were still in place. I haven’t been in years. Everything's strangely familiar and far away at the same time. Looks pretty, but I don’t miss it a bit.

I should point out that, within one week, I’ve seen every single member of my family, except three cousins. And it took just two events to get there. This hasn’t happened in probably 20 years. And it will only be topped ~~when~~ if I or my brother get married.

I should also point out that I’ve seen live camels up close on two occasions within that one week. Some at a tiny circus that put up its tent right in front of my dad’s place, the other one at my cousin’s wedding. I’ve come to the conclusion that my broken cam’s biggest problem has to do with the flash. See here.

Got back home early on Sunday to do some nasty work on a spread sheet only to find out I had saved it in a place I couldn’t access from out of office. Doing it now.

The good news: As of eleven days ago, 4pm CET, I haven't smoked in a year, which is hard to believe and close enough to the truth.
Current Location: dining table; in front of said spread sheet
Current Mood:

bored and freezing
Current Music: The Eagles - Hotel California

Tags: home, la famiglia, quit

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

September 10th, 2008

11:41 pm - still here

Looked at it from a global perspective I live right next to CERN, so here's a little something to let the webs know the black hole hasn't eaten me yet.

My own reversed black hole sits on my desk and produces loads of work.

I knew I picked the busier version of the job I've been doing all summer, but I didn't expect it to be that much. I guess it's not really nice of me, but I was actually relieved when a friend called to cancel drinks tonight because of a headache. At least this time it wasn't me not making it.

It's dark when I get up and getting dark again when I get home and I miss summer.
Current Location: couch
Current Mood:

asleep

Tags: friends, job, swamped

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August 29th, 2008

07:45 am - the week, basically

I removed my single status on facebook, which got my friends all excited. Which was the one thing that kept me amused all week.

Work has been crazy busy recently. I’m almost back to my m&m’s and yogurt lunches and there’s no end in sight.

We deal with human capital and sign it off when it doesn’t match. Of course, candidates never hear it that way, but it’s what is is. Just a term we all don’t like.

So I had planned to sign off the photographer all this time. Instead, I went undercover like the guys that couldn’t be man enough to say goodbye. Always great to make the very mistake you don’t want to see from others. But he seems to be of the patient and understanding kind and still wants to see me when he’s back in a few weeks.
Current Mood:

just great
Current Music: Vivid - Won't Look Back

Tags: friends, job, mr.

August 20th, 2008

12:21 am - surprise

Someone burned some music on a CD and left it in my mailbox before the weekend. The cover is a patchwork of album covers. They don't really match any of my friends' taste and there was no note. I was going to take it back downstairs after listening, because I was sure someone else was waiting for it. But it was a weird weekend and I forgot.

Got a text last night from the photographer asking if I liked the music.

I'm finally listening to it and I do like some of it. It's a really sweet gesture I think I should just appreciate. But I never gave him my address and the thought of him dropping by without letting me know somehow freaks me out about as much as like the surprise.

Guess we'll talk before I decide if running is a good idea.
Current Mood:

confused
Current Music: Coldplay - Yellow

Tags: mr., tunes

August 18th, 2008

12:08 am - 0 miles

summer's already fading

I'm supposed to be 1000 miles away as well right now. Problem is that both of us seem to be as stubborn as I am. Can’t say who started it, but that doesn’t matter anyway. It resulted in me not booking the flight and V refusing communication. I could be angry with both of us. Instead, I’m just sad I didn’t manage to bend it.

While he stayed at my place he once texted I’m coming home. Most likely a language thing, but that’s how he got me. Simple as that.

Meanwhile, I met up with the photographer a couple times. While he is much closer to reality, he doesn’t come as close to warming my heart. No challenge, it’s all there. He wants to see me again and I’m getting ready to run.

The only new thing here is that it’s happening simultaneously.
Current Location: 0 miles from here
Current Mood:

sad
Current Music: The Feeling – Kettle’s On

Tags: mr.

August 8th, 2008

01:36 am - employed

Forgot to add this one in my last entry.

Also, almost forgot to mention that I did take the job they offered me. I still find it weird how little being a temp and prone to be on the street within no time bothered me. Now it's a fixed salary, pension plan and three months notice again... and I forget to bother about it.

A friend from the previous place is taking over as planned in April. Strange to have old memories sitting at my desk. Again, I'm handing over a job I actually like. Again, I'll be around the same office, but will do different stuff. Only this time it's because they want me there and I want to be there as well.

I'm satisfied with the outcome (but I miss dreaming about disappearing for half a year or so).
Current Location: couch, watching L.A. Crash, thinking I should go to bed now
Current Mood:

good
Current Music: Bird York - In The Deep

Tags: future, job

August 4th, 2008

12:39 am - saas fee - grächen et al.

Today I offered ice cream to one of my Taiwanese couchsurfers. She refused because she had her period. Now guess who ate half a bucket of ice cream for dinner on Thursday and curled up with her worst cramps ever in 20 years, slept two hours that night and skipped the first part of our hiking tour on Friday?

So I only joined the others in Saas Fee on Friday night. I was actually looking forward to reviving some childhood memories up there. National Holiday for me used to be fireworks, bonfires, kids running around with paper lanterns, traditional alphorn music and yodeling up somewhere in the mountains. I didn’t really get a lot of that in the city recently. We ended up with fondue in the middle of summer, because of the freezing cold and pouring rain outside. Missed the music, saw half of the fireworks and the paper lanterns didn’t make it either.

But we were already where the tour started the following morning. Which consisted of 7 hours of hiking along dizzying slopes, not counting the breaks. So now I’m sore again with the resolution to get myself in better shape for the next time.

( my camera played along )

Back home I had brunch with the photographer, which was nice and interesting. He’ll get a lot of my time, but I’m not so sure he’ll steal my heart. We’ll see, as usual.
Current Location: back home
Current Mood:

exhausted

Tags: la suisse, meteo, mountains, mr.

(8 comments | Leave a comment)

August 1st, 2008

02:29 pm - happy birthday

Still the same. Sometimes I wonder if it ever changes.

Tags: la suisse

(3 comments | Leave a comment)

July 29th, 2008

06:58 am - finally

Got my cam back un-repaired. They didn’t even replace the screw that fell out, though they did make me pay for the trouble I caused. I’ll need some time to calm down before the fun returns.

In better news, I finally get to put a pleasant date on my 2008 list. I'll see the photographer (hehe) again, which is a major improvement for silverbag. No idea where this will go, but that's ok, too.

A few weeks ago I received a request from a couchsurfer I couldn't host. We got along well and decided to meet for drinks anyway one evening. She'd found another couch in the meantime. At some point between that evening and meeting the photographer in real I realized it was actually his couch she had crashed on instead. Small world, no?

Yet in other news, I tried to wave a white flag in V's direction, because it was probably necessary. Then again, it probably wasn't. But I didn't want to let this go down the drain without trying just this one time.
Current Mood:

still sleepy
Current Music: Blues Traveler - Hook

Tags: coincidence, couch, crap, mr.

July 25th, 2008

07:08 am - you can (not)

...so I'm still posting old pictures.

My camera took a minor hit while tucked in my purse about a year ago. A few days later I noticed a small crack in the plastic case holding the memory card and batteries. The crack grew bigger, because I use the cam a lot and I take the card out daily (because the USB connection worked exactly once). The camera has been crashing every now and then since the very first day I had it. This didn't bother me that much and I didn't want to have it fixed because I wanted the camera with me and not with them.

Two months ago the shutter sometimes didn't open anymore, which, depending on whether you shoot using the view-finder or the screen, you're aware of it - or not. Three weeks ago I noticed two loose screws barely holding the movable screen together anymore.

So I took the camera to the store to have it all fixed.

Two years product guarantee and the fact that, apart from the small crack, nothing relates to the minor hit didn't seem to impress them or manufacturer too much. I was given a list of all the stuff they want to replace - if you look at it you wouldn't believe I managed to shoot thousands of pictures that mostly turned out the way I wanted them.

And they say I dropped it. Now I do a lot of things and I don't remember everything, but I do notice when I drop my camera, my cell phone, my iPod or anything else of value. Pod, cell and sunglasses were in the purse when it took the minor hit, but miraculously they're doing just fine. So I was offered to have the camera repaired for the same amount I paid for the brand new thing 16 months ago. You've got to be kidding me, I said, trying hard not to laugh out loud. But they didn't laugh at all.

Spent hours on the phone, which is my favorite and most efficient way of getting things the way I want them, but it didn't help a dime this time. Which is why I requested the camera back un-repaired, hoping everything else still works. Which will probably take another two weeks.

I get stuck on a brand once I find one I like, and I did like this one. I plan to buy a nice dSLR pretty soon, and just guess what it would've been until a few days ago. Also, I would've been willing to pay some extra again to get it at the specialist around the corner because I really appreciate direct contact and professional advice when investing in stuff that costs enough.

Just this time, I'm not so sure I can.
Current Mood:

annoyed

Tags: crap, me

July 19th, 2008

04:52 pm - saturday post

I’m at home trying to fix stuff that doesn’t fix itself. This place is going to fall apart if this collapsing thing doesn’t stop soon.

Haven’t heard of my camera yet. Obviously the picture above was taken a couple weeks ago, but that doesn't matter. Do you miss things because you know you can’t have them right now or because you actually miss having them?

I haven’t heard from V either. The usual pattern and it would have greatly upset me not too long ago.

Was on a date last week, which was a disaster in its own extremely quiet way. Picked him up on a dating website just before my subscription ended. Not a good idea to exchange more than a few emails before actually meeting. Everything else is bound to be wasted time.

Him:(thinking) I’m straight forward... I think some people just write too much and for too long.
Me: In fact, we’ve been writing like, forever before I asked to meet.

Another one coming up - it’ll stay in the tops for randomness of sorts, no matter how bad it goes. The web is smaller a world than one would expect, which is why this is all I’ll say for now.
Current Location: where home improvement usually happens
Current Mood:

sleepy
Current Music: BAP - Verdammt lang her

Tags: coincidence, crap, mr.

July 12th, 2008

02:43 pm - till death do us part

After years of going separate ways my parents finally have things in place to file for divorce. They once promised to do it as smoothly as possible. Get it over with, no lawyers, no fighting, sign the papers and go.

I never trusted them on that and I hate to be right.

I was their crying wall seven years ago with one on this side and one on the other. This helped me accept their decision and it confirmed my role I always had in this family. But I don’t want to be in this role anymore. More importantly, the family doesn’t need it anymore.

Now I see the two as distressed as they are and I’m torn because I refuse to be drawn into it. I can’t tell either of them good news, except to get it over with to save their energy for their future they worry so much about.

Really, how do you listen to both sides and stay objective while both are telling you the opposite about a few bucks that won’t change a thing - and you don’t want to hurt either side because one is actually as much you as the other?
Current Mood:

poker face (trying)
Current Music: Stevie Wonder - I Believe (When I Fall In Love It Will Be Forever)

Tags: la famiglia

(11 comments | Leave a comment)

July 6th, 2008

11:05 pm - got tagged...
...by

san_the_kitty... so I thought I'd play along. Halfway at least.

Rules of the Game:
A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

oo1. How has LJ changed your life?
Opened the gate to the webs I highly didn’t trust and I no longer have a nervous breakdown anymore everytime I post something. Lets me place my pics, which would go dusty on my HD otherwise. Gets me to reflect by writing once in a while.

oo2. What do you do before bedtime?
read (books), chat, play with the cats, edit pics, find music, blog

( 3-18 )

o19. What type of friends do you like?
Unique in their own way, honest, creative, diverse, challenging, caring, but not too much.

o20. What type of friends do you dislike?
I wouldn’t call them my friends then!

Tags: list, me