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comebacks



It's been a longer while than I thought it would be.

Quiet weekend. Nothing worth mentioning, except the fact that in the past ten days I've heard from four friends that I didn't expect to ever come back.

In chronological order:

1. Vee
Shared the office with her for a couple years. She could almost be my mother, and that's what she partially was during a nasty breakup of mine, my parents' breakup, and life as life is in general. We lost contact when we both left that office. Now our bosses do business together, so we met for drinks to catch up on years.

2. Stevie
Crazy guy - dive instructor, accountant, photographer, traveler, spent 3 years riding his motorcycle all around Africa. I haven't seen him in ages. Now he finally updated his blog with photos and stories from Yemen, where he now studies Arabic. www.contrast.cx.

3. V
Sent an email and hopes I'm not furious because he quit communicating. Will spend a week on business in my town soon and wants to meet up. I had thought he'd be furious because of me and we'd never see each other again. Looks like we're all calm and peaceful now, so we decided to have drinks. Non-alcoholic this time...

4. The Runner
He copped out of the planned dinner in February and went quiet. I gave up hope he'd come back, but somehow never stopped trusting that he would. Difficult to explain. Today was his big day at the Zurich marathon. At km 41 they raced close by my place, so I went to watch and cheer. No idea if he recognized me. Today was also going to be one of his last days on my facebook, because I didn't want to keep seeing him there. And today was the day he proved me right; after running his goal time he went home and asked me out. No hope, but I want to know.
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counting



I could write about Nepal now, but I think I’ll do it some other time. It’s been a while already and my pictures are still not sorted. Here's one of the few I took since I returned. Fits quite well, I'd say.

It’s been 21 days since I came back and 38 since I went there. How do I know? I’m counting the days since I last saw the Runner. That would be 47 now. I didn't say goodbye and wish him happy holidays then, because I thought I’d see him later that week. Foolish mistake, I guess, because in the end we didn’t find the time.

So I hated leaving, loved being on the road, returned stuffed with stories and a gift - just to find him gone.

Took me a week to figure out what was wrong, another one to get him to talk. Tried to understand and managed the basics. Will finally see him in a few days, but there may not be enough space for both of us.

Of course it’s winter again. Days are short, sunlight scarce, work hell, mr. anywhere but here, and I’m yet another year older. I wonder what my life would look like if it happened on the other side of the equator.
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another crazy winter



Long post. It's been a while.

Cookie weekend two weeks ago lasted as long as last year, but I did it for holiday reasons this time and in a much better mood.

Then I had this year's share of Christmas last Saturday with half of the family over and hardly any time to prepare. But it worked, everybody was happy and I love doing it. That's all.

I'll be on my way to Nepal in a week to the minute, because having two weeks off with nothing to do sounded weird some time ago. Planning and (mostly) looking forward to it will happen the minute work madness stops, which will be on Friday.

I've been standing next to myself a lot lately. I don't get sick because I can't afford time off. Ran out of painkillers for my stupid stiff neck yesterday or the day before. Today I just made it to the store before it closed to get cat food, because I ran out of that, too. I don't sleep when I should, but fall asleep on the train and almost miss my stops.

Still, it's much better than a year ago, because this time, there's a team behind and a reason for it. And I know I'll be fine after Friday.

Somehow I always find myself and the time to see the Runner. He thinks I'm so normal, which sounds quite comforting these days. I actually think he's quite normal, too. Apart from the running, that is.

He took me to a race on Sunday and during preparation kept me next to him like I simply belonged to his routine. Then he ran, smiled at the cheering, finished well and called to meet up again.

Later he stood next to me in a group of friends who spoke local dialect. I don't think he understood a word.

Guy: So you caught an Italian!
Me: Hm, not really...
Guy: Then he caught you!
Me: No... Hell, if I knew...

One day he'll probably read this and tell me we're both shy.

While my female cat declared unconditional love for him, the male is scared as usual and hides under the bed. The Runner's theory, which he offered one day and completely out of context, is to ignore cats until they stumble across their own curiosity and start building up trust. I like to think that's what he's doing. I think I am.

So rounding this up, I really, really need this break, but I'm not going to see him for almost four weeks. That's probably about how long it'll take me to figure out how to get over it.
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sometimes you gotta run before you can walk



I still work stupid crazy hours, I may skip Christmas this year, I've had half a cold for weeks and I keep winning free concert tickets.

One was for Yael Naim's show - we all remember the song. Honestly, I was more excited to have finally won something than to go listen. But she's a fantastic singer and entertainer. Performs in three languages and picks up the crowd in a second. Obligatory picture. Missed the other free concert because my head decided to burst all day. Would have been Heidi Happy. Reminds me a little of Feist and I can't get over her name.

Aaand I'm starting to really like this guy. For his story, for his sharp mind, for his shyness. He gets me to watch movies like Iron Man and I... I don't complain and even remember some quotes. One of the cats is in deepest love with him and our first argument ended with winners on both sides.

I'm going to call him the Runner, because that's what he is. As I said before, running is the last thing I want him to do. I told him that and I told him that I'm not going to. He seems to be ok with it.

Sometimes I think he needs me as little as I think I need him, but maybe that's exactly what both of us need.
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fri - wed



Friday, I went to see Asian Dub Foundation. Felt like twelve years ago, but ended up realizing I was probably the oldest in the crowd. Got passively stoned and, just for a moment, feared for my hearing.

Saturday, we celebrated dad's birthday. He was happier than ever to be the center of the world for a day, which made me happy, too.

Sunday, my brother explained the Internet to grandpa. The man is 87 years old and just recently decided to buy his first computer. He asked the right questions, so I think he actually understood how things work. Before we arrived he prepared pizza and apple pie for us. This is someone who never cooked until his wife passed away a couple years ago.

Monday, I thought I'd cook for friends, but some of them don't seem to read much, so I ended up being invited instead.

Yesterday I spent more than twelve hours staring at the screen again. Then I walked home, which took a little longer than an hour. I needed to feel some weather. Maybe I should do this more often.

Right now I have a cat occupying my right arm and trying to convince me I shouldn't leave just yet. I wish she were right.
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i hope



We're communicating in three different languages at the same time. Sometimes we understand, sometimes we don't. Getting to know each other is definitely different when you have to think twice if what you say will be understood and you may have to repeat it in another language a few seconds later.

Yesterday was a bad day and he turned it into a good one for me. Today was a good day and he made it even better.

This may come a bit early, but I don't intend to run this time. Hope he doesn't either. I need to find him a name.
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a little better than in the middle



My facebook runs under my real name, which makes sense because I want to have my real life people there. It was my first principle when I started it earlier this year. So no adding folks who just add for the fun of adding.

Made an exception a while ago and I’m glad I did. I'll see him for the second time tonight and there’s something very comfortable and relaxing about this.

In other news, worked 60 hours last week, had two lunch breaks and didn’t get anywhere. For some reason I thought it would get better after last Monday, but I guess it didn’t.

Yet in other news, the company did realize we’re working till we drop and is giving us two paid weeks off at the end of the year. Maybe I should buy a ticket to far away.
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    Wallflowers' One Headlight on the radio
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according to dante this would be the sixth terrace



This comes somewhat delayed because I'm getting really good at deleting nearly finished posts.

Last work week was a short one because the office remained closed for the annual outing. Never happened to me so far, so I didn't really know what to expect. It ended up being a very pleasant and luxurious experience.

First they had me play golf for the first time in ten years and the third time in my life. There is a reason why there are no pictures.

After checking into one of the better hotels in the country came wine tasting in the old town. Then haute cuisine dinner, including food I wouldn't even look at otherwise. Half of us were too stuffed and beat to drink the night away in a club, so we just tested the hotel bar for a while.

Slept through spa time, but made it just in time grab a bite. It wasn't the largest breakfast buffet, but certainly the finest I've seen so far. Then antipasti and spumante lunch on a yacht. There is no reason for hardly any pictures, other than I forgot to take them.

Got back just in time to go see The Feeling. Short but great. I stood too close to take a picture of the entire band. Me being me, I'd never do this unless it happens. Number 6 and ???? alone were worth the admission fee.